"AT RISK" stood out like a sore thumb. At risk that we may be attached and someone could come forward and change the whole situation. At risk that the life that seems so close to becoming reality is a risk because nothing is set in stone! AT RISK!
If you know me at all I am not the risk taker! I like order, I like to plan, I don't like roller coaster or things that make life feel crazy! At risk is not my style! I would go on the same vacation, do the same thing every day, watch the same movies over and over again, listen to the same CD or song for hours, and eat almost the same foods all the time and be 100% happy! I am not a risk taker!
To take risk is not something my brain is geared to do but I know that we sometimes have to take a risk to see the rewards. We sometimes have to take a leap of faith that God will hold our hands as we try something new. I had to sign the documents saying I understand the risk when all I wanted to do was scream that I was never giving back this little girl who had already stolen my heart and my dreams!
Well Wednesday is that day! Wednesday is the day that the risk is gone! That God will smile with Todd, Payton, our families and I and say, "this leap of faith was the gift of a child."
I am not sure what the court will feel like but I know this, I will take a deeper breath when Todd and I walk into our house and know that forever more Payton is ours on Wednesday! It is indescribable feeling to have such a real love for a person that was meant to be our daughter!
The famous saying, Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
is soooo true! I love Payton with all my possible love! I love being her mom! I love teaching her new things and watching her explore this wonderful life we have been given. I love the hugs and kisses! I love the way we are a family with her here and I can't fully understand how we are so blessed to have the perfect daughter for our family except that God knew!
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it
God knew that we needed Payton just like she needed us! God knew that we needed to trust and obey Him and the gift would be a beautiful life! God knew not to have another child be placed with us but saved our house and our hearts for OUR daughter, PAYTON! We give thanks to God for His amazing gift and for all the ways He provided for us!
Thank you to all of you who have prayed for us! Thank you to all of you who have given financially to help us with our adoption! Thank you to all of you who have loved on us and encouraged us! We will always remember you and give thanks for you!
I will post again soon about the court date, the feelings and PICTURES! :)